Yesterday was not a good day.

Tori worked all day, which meant Harper was my sole responsibility for 12 hours. Nothing new. Tori works 3 days a week so I’m used to it.

Yesterday was different.

Harper is 8 months old now. He requires much more attention then he did even last month. He crawls now so my attentiveness has had to be upped to a whole new level. I’m aware that it will only keep getting harder, so please spare me the “Just wait…” comments.

I set a deadline for myself with a current wedding I’m editing, but Harper’s new need for attention has made my work productivity much slower. He wasn’t happy playing by himself. He had to be crawling on me pretty much the whole day, and if that didn’t happen, he would let me know he wasn’t happy.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking…

“That sounds incredible to have your 8 month old baby only want to be held by you.”

It is. It really is.

However, at the time, all I could think about was how much work I wasn’t getting done, on top of Harper’s constant hair pulling, scratching and pinching. Have you ever had a baby pull a large amount of chest hair out with his little fingers? I’m pretty sure the pain is on the same level as child birth. Not really, but its not a pleasant feeling. I may wax my chest hair just to avoid that pain ever again.

I found myself getting upset at Harper throughout the day. I would get so frustrated that I would pick him up, place him in his pack n play and walk away. I didn’t care if he started crying. He pissed me off and he was gunna pay.

An 8 month old…

What was I thinking?

It wasn’t until later that night when I started reflecting back on my day. I felt terrible. I was so wrapped up in my own thing that I pretty much ignored my son the majority of the day. I started thinking about how one day I will miss these days. These days where he wants nothing but to hold me. These days where he’s not happy unless I’m giving him the attention he wants. I’ll be looking back and wish I had given more of my time to him during these days, even if that means more of my chest hair ripped out.

I don’t want that to happen.

Editing can wait. Emails can wait. Blog posts can wait. My productivity on the days where I’m taking care of my little boy will go way down. But thats ok, because I’ll be able to look back and know that I gave him all I had.

That night I walked into his room and watched him sleep for a couple minutes. I leaned into his crib, gently kissed his forehead and whispered, “I’m sorry little man” into his ear as my eyes welled up.

I hope he heard me.